Step by step instructions to surviving a morning as a new pig owner.
Step 1: Farm Wake Up Call Pigs Included
Wake up to the sound of your husband texting you and realize your alarm never went off…
Your alarm didn’t go off, but your kids all got up regardless.
Throw some clothes on, make your bed, and quickly brush your teeth. You know if you don’t do it now it will never happen. Don’t worry about brushing your hair.
Go downstairs and dish up oatmeal for kids that your loving husband started before he left for work. Then frantically chop vegetables for your son’s lunch because his ride for cub scout camp is going to be here any minute!
Send him off and then REALIZE THE PIGS ARE OUT when your kids come running for the door worried the pigs will chase them. Remind them, that they live on a farm, and these kune kunes are as gentle as they come.
Step 2: Sneak Away From Kids to Corral Pigs
Go back inside to change Adalaide’s diaper, then sneak outside to take care of the pigs when she isn’t looking. Have Carter distract her and watch her so you can focus on the pigs.
Go out just in time to find that the pigs have let out all of the goats and somehow figured out how to push open the barn door. Not only that, but knocked over the giant metal garbage can full of chicken food.
Shoo all of the goats back into the pasture. Then scare the pigs out of the barn doors, closing them behind you. Hopefully before the pigs try to sneak under your legs to get back to the grain.
Trick the pigs into going back where they belong with a bowl of kitchen scraps as bait.
Step 3: Attempt to Block All Escape Routes
Pile up a bunch of wood in front of the spot where you think the animals were squeezing under the gate.
Start feeding the horses and realize the pigs and goats are out again! Coax them back in with promises of more food and with a sigh of relief slam the gate behind you.
Realize that by this point all of your kids are outside playing together so there was no point in taking the time to sneak out. 😉
Step 4: Do Your Chores Gracefully
Go back to your feeding chores and watch as the pigs start to push the gate open right in front of your eyes!
Before you know it, like it is almost happening in slow motion, you make a run for it to try to stop them…
Then all of a sudden you are on the ground and your hands are covered in road rash. How did that giant stick get in the middle of the walkway anyway?
Children. Of course. Children. Then your son might be kind enough to say, “Mom, you should watch where you’re going you know.” Oh yes, I should have, but I didn’t want to handle another wrestling match with that pig!
Once she is back in, roll (with difficulty) a giant round of wood in front of the gate to prevent any further escape.
Step 5: Remember You Had Other Things to Do That Day
Load all of the remaining kids into the car for piano lessons. Ask them if they had anything to eat today, and grab some larabars for the drive.
Make sure to arrive a few minutes late.
Step 6: Come Home to a Surprise
Arrive home and check to make sure the animals are still contained.
Realize you left your pregnant goat in a stall all night just in case she went into labor, but forgot to let her out because of all of the chaos.
Find her with a sweet baby by her side.
Step 7: Be Grateful for Those Escape Artist Pigs
Remind yourself that all of the crazy times are worth it for the little moments of JOY, and be GRATEFUL for TENDER MERCIES in your life. Especially when you feel like things are spiraling out of control.
Give a prayer of thanks, with your kids, for the new little miracle and feel complete happiness.